3DO FZ1

The Horde. One of the most under-appreciated Strategy/action games on the 3DO.

Theme Park. This is an extraordinarily good game. It doesn’t lend itself well to joypad control, but none-the-less, it’s still very good. Other than a pre-rendered introduction featuring the UK’s Midland Bank, it’s precisely the same as every other platforms version.

It’s immediately engaging, hugely rewarding, watching the thankless little sods dreaming of Beef Burgers when there is no option for a Beef Burger shop yet or when the bouncy castle breaks down for the millionth time, the game hooks you and draws you in. This game is a bit like life: Just when you think you’re winning, it kicks you in the crown jewels, but you carry on regardless.

A brilliant game.

World Cup Golf. First point, is there a music database somewhere, where game developers go to get their chintzy music for golf games? Secondly, I hate golf. Thirdly, this game has the most annoying interface of any game in the history of the world. Additionally, for a golf game, it is as ugly as sin. Finally, I hate golf. Repeated for emphasis.

On the upside, it was nice to see the US Gold logo.

Kisekae Paradise This is a pervert training video-game. It seems you spend your time choosing clothes for a young woman to put on, when she does, you peep on her while she’s changing. Although she seems aware of what you’re doing, and doesn’t seem even mildly concerned. It’s as if she knows it is a video-game. Crazy. Only for people who like seeing Asian girls in various states of undress. Again, the nudity is pretty coy, nothing gratuitous. I should also warn you, this game is expensive these days. Why? Well, because: Naked Women.

Royal Pro Wrestling. Wrestling for me conjures up psychologically scaring boring Saturday afternoons at my unbearably hot Grandparents house. Unbearably hot because my grandfather had been a coal miner and therefore was blessed with a never ending supply of concessionary coal, that he used to super-heat his living-room 12 months of the year. The boring element was the sports he insisted on watching on the only TV in his house, mostly Wrestling.

In those days UK wrestling centered on two morbidly obese aging men: Giant Haystacks and Big Daddy. Big Daddy’s natty little catch phrase was: ‘Easy! Easy! Easy!’ which was repeated until the audience got bored. To make matters worse for me, my younger brother and sister would join in enthusiastically from our side of the TV in the most irritating way they could muster. Usually full volume, lung burstingly, point-blank in my ear. None the less, when American style Wrestling came to the TV here in the UK, it seemed a somewhat delicate and glossily staged dish compared to the greasy chips, gravy and lard of British Wrestling. I didn’t like either.

I’m not sure if it’s a Hulk Hogan knock-off (copy) on the cover, or whether it’s the real McCoy. Regardless, if you like wrestling and want to invest some time in decoding this Japanese only release for the 3DO, this game actually seems pretty decent.

Psychic Detective. This game is actually pretty cool. It belongs to the much maligned genre of Interactive Movies. The story is actually good, the acting on par, and all-in-all it is quite good fun. You play the role of Eric a ‘Psychic Detective’ and gather clues by essentially possessing other peoples minds, all for the final show down with Max. Definitely worth playing today. A slice of mid-1990s fun.

Pretty Soldier Sailormoon. This is one of the better 3DO games you should import from Japan. Reading or not being able to read Japanese has little bearing on the game, and it plays, looks and sounds exceptionally good. I’d put it in the same league as Yu Yu Hashiko or Samurai Shodown in terms of production values, but be warned, it’s pretty tough.

Virtual Stadium Profession Baseball. I’ll be honest, I have watched two games of baseball live. Well, sort of. Both times was at the AT&T Park, home of the San Francisco Giants. The first time, I enjoyed the experience of being at an American Baseball game; the hot-dogs, the quirky tunes, the camera focusing on members of the audience. It was good stuff. The second time I was blind drunk watching the game on a TV, actually inside the Stadium, with the real game only yards away. With my equally drunk colleagues. Not bad considering the price they charge for beer in those stadiums. On neither occasion, particularly the second one, did i have the faintest clue as to what was going on. This EA 3DO game did not clear up any of my questions surrounding the game, as it was all in Japanese. So, yes; somebody hits a ball with a stick and people run about. Like a lot of other sports.

Rise of the Robots. Apparently, Dire Straits never phoned asking for their music video character back. They really should have done. Terminator 2, never sued over the oh-so original female T-1000 included in this game. And the rest of us never sued over how bad this game was. Joking aside, Brian May should have sought legal help to have his name removed from the game. This, quite awful game, was one of the two titanic cock-ups that Art Data Interactive brought to the 3DO. This and Doom. So yeah, thanks Randy Scott. We will never forget.

Trip’D. Would you look at some of those screenshots! Just look. Level 63 and the screen is basically empty. It’s a Tetris clone, so that’s a good thing. From that you can conclude one of three things. Either I am a gaming god, brought from heaven above, to bring you the enlightenment that is 3DO (Possibly), or I played all day to set a high score just to look good on the internet (if you think that, you really don’t know me) or this game is very, very, very, very, easy. You do know me, i can’t play anything for toffee. Yes, it’s the third option. I eventually threw the game because I was getting bored. And yes, before you ask, that is a bewinged radish in some of the screenshots.

Winning Post. I better do a proper consumer focused review, even though it’s all in Japanese, else people will lose faith in my skills. The case and manual are reassuringly heavy. A quality feel to them. The words “Winning Post” are emblazoned proudly on the cover and there is a picture of a horse. All of which lead me to believe it was a horse racing training simulator. It was - so a good start on my part. Truth be told, my selected Winning Post horse was rubbish. It looked like a cross-legged donkey and the game has no option for threats. So therefore there is no option to threaten the Nag with the dog food factory in the event of failure. Failure in part I attributed to my horse trainer, who looked like Popeye’s geography teaching son. His picture is above. I nick-named, for obvious reasons: ‘Giggles’. I then looked for an option to hire a four foot high, dodgy looking 45Kg goblin of an ex-jockey to sell me steroids to pump up ‘Daisy’. Daisy badly needed pumping up. There was no option for a drug dealing midget either. An important game feature absent i felt. Sadly, Daisy my cross legged racing Donkey turned out to be the least effective cross-legged racing Donkey. She failed to win any races To my disgust there was no Labrador offered to wolf her down, after such utter failure. Horses scare me anyway. Too big and weird eyes. So yes, there you have it – premium 3DO game buying advice. Thank me later.

Doctor Hauzer. Yes, it’s that time of year again, where good ol’ 3DOkid bangs on about Dr.Hauzer. It’s great. The game I mean, not the banging on. That gets kind of boring. “But” I hear you cry, “How do I play this import only 3D tour de force of 3DO graphics power, given it’s all in Japanese?” Worry ye not young retro game player, for I have forged by my own fair hand an FAQ to help you through. The game should be no more than $20 or £16. So buy a copy this Christmas and roam Dr.Hauzers mansion. Like I, 3DOkid have. Many, many, many times.

Super Wing Commander. Imagine BattleStar Galactica with Thundercats as enemies as opposed Cylons and you are pretty much there with this epic space battling game. Back in the day the PC and Amiga version of Wing Commander had been around a while and the 3DO version was very, very okay. Funnily enough, playing this afternoon, I thought it was pretty neat, but there you go. It wasn’t until Wing Commander III that the 3DO power was unleashed fully.

Real Pinball. Fun, exciting, exhilarating, realistic, clever and intuitive, are all words to describe Fantasy Pinball that came out on the (cough, splutter) Atari Jaguar. Now, place the word ‘not’ in front of each of those words and you have Real Pinball on the 3DO.